Alright so any new mama can tell you that Mommy guilt is a very real, very intense phenomenon. Your baby scratches her face. Guilt. Leaks out of her diaper. Guilt. Spits up. Guilt. Cries for an unknown amount of time and you didn't know because your monitor was off (not that this has happened....). Guilt. And as if you need anything else to feel guilty about...enter Green guilt. This form of guilt is an entirely different beast of it's own.
How many moms have you talked to that feel guilty about not doing the most "natural" thing during their pregnancy or in mommyhood? I can't even tell you how many people I have encountered. I do see a lot of preggos in my line of work so maybe I am exposed to more than most but it's really hard to see the guilt ridden faces of these moms and dads when they shamefully admit that they cleaned the bathroom with bleach, accidentally ate lunch meat, and drank flavored water with splenda during the pregnancy.
What other "natural" things are guilt producers? Are you ready for these doozies? Epidurals and breastfeeding. As a labor and delivery nurse I will tell you that the most important thing is a healthy mom and healthy baby. I got an epidural. Thank God! My labor was awesome. I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I took hypnobirthing classes. I thought maybe...just maybe I would go the natural route. So many moms come into the hospital with a plan to sit in the tub, bounce on the birthing ball, walk around, squat, sit on the toilet or rocking chair. People have taken classes, read books, done everything possible to prepare for a natural labor. But you know what....you can't prepare for labor. My lil girl didn't like contractions. She would have big decels in her heart rate that lead me to get an epidural sooner than later just in case I had to be rushed on back to the operating room for an emergency C-section. Stuff happens. It pains my heart to hear a laboring mom whisper to me that she can't do it and she thinks she wants an epidural. She looks so embarrassed, defeated, sad. I do my best to let her know that it's OKAY! I even go into my speel about you wouldn't have dental work done without medication. Why would you? There is no need to suffer needlessly. We all feel pain differently. Etc. My words may crack a smile or illicit a nod but I know that my words don't matter. The incredible guilt has set in.
Breastfeeding. Did you think getting an epidural was the guilt topper? You were wrong. Breastfeeding hands down has got to be the biggest guilt producing issue a mom faces. Breast is best right? Your body is meant to breastfeed right? It's the most "natural" thing in the world. Right? I can tell you from firsthand experience that breastfeeding felt pretty much the opposite of natural to me. Many a tear was shed during the first few weeks home. Since that time (thank GOD it's over and thank God for my lactation consultant) I have decided to be as vocal as I can be about breastfeeding issues. People are afraid to ask for help because we are supposed to just "know" how to do it. It's hard. Sometimes it's a latch issue, a production issue, a combination of issues and it sucks. The only thing harder than the actual act of breastfeeding (and the delightful cracks and sores that come along with it) is the guilt that you feel if you you aren't doing it "right". Ugh. Even thinking back to that time makes me nauseous. I will say that breastfeeding has been an amazing experience for me thus far (now that I have forgotten the first few weeks of pure hell). I am glad I stuck it out...but if I hadn't...I sure wish that I wouldn't have been filled with guilt and shame. Your baby needs to eat and you need to stay sane. Whatever you need to do to accomplish that is a-okay! Formula isn't poison! It's nourishment for your baby and if that is what works then there should be no shame in that!
Diapering, baby food, sleep habits, schedules, detergents, butt creams etc etc etc. It never stops. There is a lot of pressure to do everything perfectly as a new mom. Puree your own organic fruits and veggies.You should co-sleep. Never co-sleep! Baby needs to sleep in her crib! Put your baby on a schedule. Don't put your baby on a schedule. Use this cream. No wait...don't use that cream...use this cream. That stuff contains X and should be avoided. Actually X doesn't need to be avoided, it's Y and Z that really need to be avoided. Don't vaccinate your babies. Are you crazy? Vaccinate those kids ASAP!
Listen. You have your job cut out for you as a parent as it is. Focus on creating a loving and stable environment for you little one and things will work out just fine. I feel like as a mom I want to help create an environment of acceptance and camaraderie. We don't need MORE things to make us feel guilty. We need to know that it's okay to do what we need to do in order to raise happy healthy kids!
I have made some choices that work for my family but may not work for other families. I cloth diaper, co-sleep, breastfeed on demand, have failed several times at putting my kid on a schedule. I drink caffeine, the occasional glass of wine and while I do use baby friendly cleaning products for the most part...I still love bleach. There are days when I feel guilty for doing this or that but I remind myself that I have a happy baby and a healthy family. We all sleep well, eat well, smile a lot and enjoy life. That the most important thing!